he tells a story, i hear cracks

So I've just learned that my boyfriend is going to be set up with a girl from his homeland. Well, not exactly now, but sooner or later it will. I didn't realize that his family are still up to it. It's just so not mainstream, see. lol

What made me curious, since one of my friend brought it up when I told him this, is that my boyfriend didn't tell his family about his relationship with me, instead he goes on telling me about this in the first place. When I really thought about this I've come to a sense that he is trying to warn me by giving an ultimatum. Or should I say, trying to get rid of me in the softest way.

After realizing that, I asked him when we met. Here's the conversation. Well I've wrapped it up by putting away some details of course. Here goes:

me : "Why didn't you tell your parents about us?"

him : silence

me : "Are you feeling sure about our relationship now?"

him : ". . . not really. I was, but now I'm not so sure."

me : "Why?"

him : he threw me three reasons that made him unsure about our relationship

me : I threw him the heartbreak kind of smile :)


So my conclusion is, if he isn't trying to give me an ultimatum, then he is just trying to test me. All that, because he is currently unsatisfied with who I am. Well, since I like him, and a girl gotta do what a girl gotta do, I'll just stay near his orbit, not in it. Try to cut him (and myself) some slack. I'll just appreciate the time when his not around me, and also the time when his with me. That's gonna be all that matters. Still, about the matchmaking his family got to offer, feels like a time bomb... :(

anami apartment

My studio assignment for this semester is a mid-rise, low budget, anami class apartment. The site is in a slum area in Bandung, one of Indonesia's biggest city (3rd most populated). Yesterday I did a site survey with my friends.

The site is right next to the river that went through the city. Apparently the density of the housing along the river made it extremely not hygienic.

It is a very populated area. The linear arrangement of trees among the houses is where the river is. It is the only natural vegetation in the area.

I'm not pretty sure yet how to determine my design concept. I need to find out approaches that is valid for this case. It can be by seeing the environmental aspects, social aspects, economic aspects, or even all of them plus who knows how many more aspects.

The one that interests me the most is the social aspects. The people from that area are close to each other (neighbors, family) which reminds me that vertical housing can be tricky for social interaction. Most apartment unit are very private and separated (yeah, they have a space full of everyday rooms and the only view from the window is the sky, and the only place they meet each other is when their on their way in or out the apartment unit) that it almost cut entirely the social interaction between the end users. So in this design, I need to find the solution to make social interaction more intense in a vertical housing). It can be applying family values, neighboring values, etc.

being left

there it is. again.

the big black hole. i knew i've covered it up with some pile of smile, and filled it with some lump of stories from my two months off from college. it appears that the hole is just to big, as i thought. after all this time... i just looked away from it.

de. ni. al.

i thought i've made peace. but the fact is that it's just like the disorder or abnormality or something whatsoever disease that i brought since i was a child. it won't go away. it just strikes me whenever it strikes me.

i don't know if i could ever stand this. imagining that i was being left behind by every bit of friend that i've known in college. they're now on the 7th stage of architecture studio. me? i am being left behind because of my own foolishness. well i'm not going to defend myself from any of it. i don't have to. i can't be the one being right. i'm the one being left. lol.

One of social interaction setback after technology

I've just realized that I BBMed someone (is that even a word? BBMed? Lol) at 2 am in the morning. technology has made me cross the line by BBMing someone at an ungodly hour. Well, before they invented cellphones, people would likely to meet each other to interact. But now, well, I usually interact through my phone and then meet. Funny how technology that suppose to help us has driven us into this (well yea at least, me for example, lol).

Yea right now I'm watching a movie called Girl Fight at DIVA channel, yea and at 2 am. And tomorrow will be first day coming back to college. 

I have no interest in one bit of it, but not intending to abandon it too. Mmm alright blabbings're comming so I'm just gonna check out. 

:p

(written) Lesson #1

I've learned my lesson. This time, about co-workers in college assignments. My teammates were always cooperative and gave their 100%, not. Not always. Even the ones I trust the most, like my best friend who homestayed at my place for almost a month to attend internship where I personally recommend her. After the internship finish, yay!, we were assigned to make a report, together. But as I can see it now, I ended up doing most of the report. It was also the same when we were at the office, I ended up finishing all the main jobs while she was so attracted to whatever she was surfing in her facebook. That is one case, not to mention the architecture competition that ended really, i mean REALLY, badly because of the team's individual solitude toward each other.

I've learned my goddamn lesson now. The hard way. That it's every man for himself, every woman for herself, whatever (why does English language have to determine gender?). Everyone is useless to me, I'm the only one who can finish what I started and I'm going to be the one to earn the credit for it. From now on, that's the way I treat my co-workers.