Today's Life Event Revealed: Standup Deception

So since the mental breakdown I had yesterday, I repeatedly tried to self-heal myself by saying this: "Head held high, girl, and welcome your ultimate utter failure." And there I was this afternoon, with my love, attending a Standup Comedy Festival in Senayan, Jakarta, trying to dig some joy and laughter out of my black hole.

I'm not particularly into standup comedies. It's just that I like how comics use their character, either their mimics, body language, or speech, to turn some usual occasion they had, from the extraordinary to the most ordinary little things, into something we thought we also had. In the most funniest perspective we never thought we had. That's what I call, and that's where I intentionally, voluntarily letting some other people deceive my mind.

And thus one thing I've come to realize today what had been the X factor of these serial problems I had lately. It is that I was to deceitful that my own mind deceive myself about one important thing that had been the fundamental guideline of how I live my life.

I was too confident that I thought I can handle any problem, any obstacle, any unfortunate events, anything, with my cunning tricks. But then I realized, it is not cunning at all. Since it was lying that I had been doing.


God, oh God help me for I am beginning to imagine throwing myself away...