1 year promise

A year from today, 20th June, I'm going to look back to this post and do the following: let him go.

But, by the time that happens, I have to succeed in preparing him to depart for German. Those preparations include: teaching him English, help him learn German, and most important, making him a man that he should and can be. A man that confront his problem, not fleeting away from it. A man that won't blame himself, but try to fix damages that had been done. And, a man that listens...

From now on, this blog has a change of purpose. It is now a report of progress that will be input every 20th day of months. So, any of you senseless reader that don't really care about this kind of stuff, get the fuck off my blog!

probation phase

I got caught......cheating. In the worst way possible.

What more can I say?


***

Now, I'm in probation phase (the phase that I made by myself *evillaugh*). Okay, what is probation phase?
Probation phase is when you had done something so grotesquely wrong to your boyfriend (or anyone else) and behave as excellent as possible afterwards because you think by constantly being nice to him/her you might probably make up for what you had done. Long story short, you're just feeling bad.

Here's an example. Myself. I used to be a little bit of a bitch to my honey. But after what I did, every time I do something, it HAS to be something nice to him. Though the worst phase, where I couldn't do a single thing without thinking how evil I have been, and couldn't even look him in the eye, has passed, I still have the urges to be as nice as possible when it comes to him.

Hope someday, eventually, he'll forgive me completely. And also, I hope someday I could finally rule away this terrible guilt from staining my inner peace..
:(

fact is, nothing matters (without you)

Is this it? Allah, please give me a sign...
I'm not the purest of all but please, let me have your help...

losing gripppppp!!!

Crap, I'm feeling like losing grip off my studio assignments. Last semester, I've finally became more independent, cruising with my own ideas. Not like most architecture students I observe, they tend to let lecturers lead them. But now I'm starting to turn into one. I lost passion. Aaaaargh! On Thursday I got this presentation but I ain't got nothiiiiiiiing!!

Feminine architecture?

I'm working on my latest studio assignment (also *fingers-crossed* my last) and randomly, I pick a seldomly chosen building function. Rehab.

Yes, Rehabilitation and Training Center for Women. Or perhaps I would rather call it Women Care Center. I thought it's a simple function. Even on the first days, a lecturer had called it 'shallow' and I would got a minimal C score because of how uninteresting this function is. And I thought, fine whatever. At least I will pass this assignment, surely.

But then it hits me. How do you design for women. Well I myself personally prefer  a wide open space with nature surroundings. But my lecturers says otherwise. Then I realize it's all about the concept. About that, I'll catch up to you later!

Bad things and good people

Bad things DOES always happen to good people.

What does it take to be a good person? It's not about how good, how rich, how pretty, or how lucky we are now, but I suppose it's about how we manage to handle bad things. Because our reaction to how things goes is what determine how good we are. Right?

So when you see the worst things happen to good people, don't feel pity. Feel jealous. Because they already had the opportunity to show their virtue and proof their greatness.

Hello again, internet citizen! Long time no write. :)

remember the worst, cherish the best

I have not been myself lately, and also becoming a nuisance girlfriend. I need strength to love, I feel so weak...

So many bad experiences happen lately, and I can do nothing. I just need to focus on how I feel when I got into this relationship with him. I have to (and will always want to) remember how careless he can be, how clumsy he can be, how so-far-from-romantic he can be, but please do help God, I just need to cherish the feeling when I got into this relationship with him... :)